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The color of my pain is vivid and blinding. Its taste burns my tongue with a sticky-sweet flavor. Its sound caresses my senses with the deafening quality of silence. Its ghost encloses my body in a velvet web of disturbing dreams and fitful serenity. The sickening trick is that through my house of solitude I feel more alive than any of my happy days allow me. My pain caresses me, enlightens me. It will all be alright. It's okay to be alive and human. It's okay to realize that nothing matters, and love is an illusion, and no one person on this earth really knows what meaning their life holds, if any. My pain allows me to realize my own truths. To face them, to allow them to overwhelm me, and finally to accept them. My pain has also allowed me to accept it. To cherish it. Pain is life, just like joy and love. Essentially it is also beautiful, at times I believe it is the most beautiful thing of all.



Kim Mordecai, January 10, 1992


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-Kim Mordecai